The statue search begins

I've never had a major problem with my weight - I'll get that right out there. But I have always wanted to be better. Even though I've been thin I've never been one of the "skinny girls". Compared to others I've always been fit which is nice but not motivating. When you're surrounded by people who tell you that you don't "need" to workout or "need" to watch what you eat, you tend to listen. It's easier. I even committed myself to my new lifestyle and then had a near emotional break down when the majority of my family made fun of my eating habits at Thanksgiving. Apparently the fact that I didn't gorge myself like they did was a problem and soon smaller portions (i.e. ACTUAL serving sizes) were called "Gabi portions" as in "I'd like a Gabi size piece of pie". I felt so judged and it only got worse as I got glares for doing my Turbo Jam DVDs while I was at my parents' house. I was so relieved when I got home but discouraged. Why wasn't I strong enough to do this without my family's support? My boyfriend and partner supports me so much. Listened to me be upset about my family's reaction. Let me vent. Helped me deal with how I felt. And then, with a little tough love, pushed me past it and reminded me I was changing my life for me. Not for them. Not for him. For me.

Since then I read "Eat that Frog" which helped me refocus and set goals for myself. I thought about what I wanted to acheieve and that was a new exercise for me. To know what it is I want and the reason I work hard is amazing clarification. Its so motivating to know how my life can change with each little action like getting up early in the morning or making meals ahead of time so I eat healthy during the day.

I've started on this change and yesterday I was running errands to get groceries and get my plan on track when a little 7 year old boy made my day...

He nearly ran into me at the store and he looked startled so I just smiled and said hi. The grin he gave me in return was adorable as he ran, glancing back at me, to catch up to his dad and brother. After looking back a few times, he looked up again and said "You're so tall and skinny you look like a statue!" He made my day. I wanted to hug him and say thank you. There was my motivation. To find the statue he saw in me. I'm hoping to find my Venus. Strong, confident, gorgeous - the strength I saw in the Venus de Milo replica in my mom's college dorm, Martha Cook, at the University of Michigan.

I remember the first time I saw her at the end of that hall. Strong and poised she graced the end of a simple but elegant corridor and reminded all the residents of that classic dorm that they could still be strong while retaining their graceful feminity.

So my journey begins to find my Venus within me. To be stronger of mind and body. To be confident in my abilities, decisions and prescense so I can continue to be more successful and happy every day. For what is life without drive? What is the pursuit without a goal to pursue? Every action I take is going to help my biggest goals and the search for my Venus within - my statue others see in me - begins now.