2 steps forward and 1 step back...

As I prepped for my run yesterday, a million thoughts were churning in my mind...mostly around how I've gotten so off track and so out of it I'm ashamed. I've been talking to one friend in particular about how I was doing and I've managed to inspire her but I can hardly inspire myself....until this past Friday.

I got to spend some time with my man on Friday and he told me about how he's gotten himself up and going again with his workouts and eating right. I need to do that. I can't let him get better than me! I have a bridesmaid's dress I need to rock and we're planning our trip to Florida for his baseball tournament at the end of October. I'm so looking forward to that week...a get away with him, possibly spending some time getting to know his parents, beachhouse with a gorgeous view, watching him do what he loves - play baseball (and hopefully pitch some! can't wait to get those pictures!), going out for nice dinners, and an off day in the middle of the week during which I expect we'll get lost in our own little world. I really want everything to be perfect that week - especially my body and how I'll look in shorts and bikins. I've given him a "homework assignment" to pick out a new bikini for me and I want to look amazing in it for him. I know to do this I NEED to get back on track. No question about it. The weather is getting nicer, I've signed up to the Power Blue Productions Fan Club so I get TurboJam Rounds automatically at home, I can get out and try to start running again...I have no excuses. I know from past experience that my eating right, while helpful, isn't the key. I can make a lot of progress on exercise alone and I also just naturally eat better when I'm working out.

Water. And exercise. That's what I need to do. Why am I struggling with that??

Thanks to overdoing it and self-inflicted breathing problems, I haven't run in about a year. While I've done the TurboJam and other workouts with great success, my breathing and the way my body works in general is so completely different when I run. I've been afraid to start running again because the last time I gave it another shot, I made the problems worse after I thought I was better. I told myself I'd take some generous time off. That I'd make sure I was completely recovered and then start slowly but surely getting back on the horse. And that I'd only get back on the horse when the weather gets nice outside, not run in bad weather again until I was back to a "marathon training ready" level and when I do run, start at 20 minutes of easy running and go from there. (the bad weather is what caused the problems to begin with so that is key) We've had a few 60+ degree days here so yesterday I decided that I needed to run. Its in my blood anymore. Running is my emotional release. Its how I relieve stress, collect my thoughts and make sense of things. I love running in the rain. I love just getting out and getting lost (although that normally results in much much longer runs because I have really gotten lost before) and I love knowing that it's all up to me.

Which brings me back to my run. Yesterday with shakey hands, I laced up for the first time in a year. I was nervous, worried, and anxious. There was a little more wind than I would have liked, making it a very chilly 60 degrees but I ran. My body felt and still feels great...legs aren't tired, feet felt good...but my lungs and chest felt and still feel tight. I'm sure part of it was the nerves...I had a hard time relaxing my shoulders yesterday and am even now using a heating pad to try to ease some of the tension in my back. The chilly wind didn't help. But I know the biggest part is I haven't had to breathe like that in over a year. It was the longest 20 minute run I have ever done. I had to walk and that killed me. But I need to keep doing it. I'm going to stick to it. I'll run every other day with off days in between to aid recovery. Off days will be gym / weights days. I haven't been to the gym in a while and I need to do that. Hopefully some muscle training will help fend off any of those injuries to which I seem so prone. And we'll do this as one of those baby steps so here it goes:

Goal: Continue drinking my water, run 20 minutes every other day this week, do weight training at the gym on off days
Reward: Start tanning again at the gym to prep for Florida and remind me of my bikini. $10 / month

Wish me luck!

Daddy helping me through the hardest part of my second marathon...yes I'm a Daddy's girl :-)

This was the Chicago Marathon 2008 which I ran which Team in Training. My next marathon goal is to run the Flying Pig Marathon in May 2011 with TNT again and raise more for the Cure than I did for the Chicago Marathon.